Day 51....mutha f'n pistachios

"Mom!" Our youngest shouted, "We are learning about Kings and Queens and Lords and Ladies and Olden Times!"

"I know," I responded, "Did you want to tell your brother and sister some of the rules for eating properly as a prince and princess?"

"Yes! You have to put your napkin in your lap, and you cannot eat until the Queen takes a bite, and you cannot get up from the table until the Queen is finished, and...." he trailed off bored with his own wisdom and migrated towards the TV.

Meanwhile, the other children were circling the kitchen, packing their lunches and trying to say "apple" while holding their tongues---have you tried it? It doesn't quite come out "apple," more sounds like a term for  the place from which poop plummets. Anyway, while this was happening the large CostCo size bag of pistachios hit the ground and covered our kitchen floor... not unlike a small mollusk mosaic.
And I just felt very entitled to release a "GOD DAMMIT!" displacing all my daily frustration.  Thus the kids looked at me like "ooooh....you just said a bad word...we're gonna tell...."  And en lieu of apologizing, I, Mother of the Year, chose to make this a continued moment of shock and awe...

"Yes. I did.  Shall we all say whatever words we're dying to say right now?"

Their eyes doubled in size, as did the grin on their face, and all 3 of us (the youngest was MIA) sat amongst the sea of pistachios and began to giggle and swear.

"Shit!"
"Piss!"
"Asshole!"
"God Dammit!"
"Dick Ass Man!"

"Woa. That's a loaded one." I said caught off guard by my 9 yr old's enthusiasm.

"No. That's someone's name. Really. It's Dick Assman."

"That's terribly unfortunate," I replied remembering that I thought I had heard that before.

"Okay. Is it out of our system?"

"One more," said my son, "Getting giddy with fear and excitement."  He glanced over for approval.

"Nows the time. Get it out of your system, and then lets move on. You guys know that these are not words you use, right?"

"Right" they answered in unison.

Sitting back on his heels he pulled his elbows back as if revving up and opened his mouth wide and let out a "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU......CK."

It wasn't even angry... it just felt dangerous to say. We then cleaned up the pistachios and had a relatively pleasant dinner, not unlike the Lords and Ladies from "Olden Times."