I blame you

Upon arriving in Naples, Fl, I asked our kids if they knew where we were. To which our youngest replied "at the bottom of the penis!" and then singing the chorus of  Bohemian Rhapsody added, "...very very frightening..."

Heads or tails?

Journeyed to see Winter the famous dolphin with a prosthetic tail. Stayed for the sting rays. Turns out we don't need a trampoline. Just a salt water tank where we can reach in and touch our pet sting ray. It'll keep'm occupied for days.

Dinner at 9:30. In public.

We discovered a great Irish Pub in Pensacola for dinner on the night of the 27th. It had dollar bills hanging down covering the entire ceiling and stapled to the walls. Each bill had a signature from the "donor" and on the wall was a news article about a kid who was charged with stealing when another store recognized the signed money with which he was trying to pay. I want to thank the pub for placing us near that info as this story served as the perfect answer to "why can't I take just one?" because unless its in print and framed, the same answer just doesn't hold up.

The other highlight of the evening was the circular green mint that each child got at the end of dinner. They quickly licked it a teeny bit and stuck it to the palm of their hand. Each one then began talking over each other as if down in the "pit" at the NYSE.

"Mom! IronMan wants you to be quiet at dinner," my eldest would say but was not given enough time to demonstrate with his palmed mint because someone else jumped in with,

"Mom, pretend you are bad and IronMan--"

Not  giving up the fight it continued...

"Mom, IronMan wants you to be quiet at dinner--"
"Mom, pretend you are bad and IronMan---"
"Mom, IronMan wants you to be quiet at dinner---"
"Mom. Mom, pretend you are bad and IronMan--"
"Mom! IronMan wants you to be quiet at dinner--"
"Mom," (voiced our middle child) I don't really like the--"
"Mom, IronMan wants you to be quiet at dinner--"
"Mom, I don't really like the --"
"Mom---"

"OH MY GAAAWD. YOU GUYS ARE INSANE." I shouted in intense whisper mode. And not one of you is saying 'Dad.' He's sitting RIGHT NEXT TO YOU."

They smiled and giggled a bit.

"Let's  get out of here," I suggested while scooting out of the booth.

And as we all scooted..."Mom, but imagine IronMan wants you to be quiet at dinner..."

Shoot me.

N'awlins

The lesson on May 26th, in the great outdoor classroom of Bourbon Street, was intended to be one of culture, diversity, street performers and acceptance of things that appear strange. Instead it turned into a "how to hold your liquor" conversation when you are 21. And what you can act like if you don't. And then our eldest looked to the right and paid no attention to the two women in bras and garters but was horrified and confused (displayed by jaw dropping giggles) by the 24x8 naked girl on girl photos that surrounded the entrance to said "establishment."
Clearly the hr had crept up on us and it was time to get off this street. I tried to shift focus to "beignets for breakfast." But who am I kidding? I just gave our 9 yr old the gift of life size porn. I'm pretty sure that qualifies me for an automatic nomination for Mother of the Year 2013. Pretty sure.

Send lawyers, guns and money

Summer vacation day 3...

Check into glitzy motel at 1am. Check.
Watch hookers work. Check.
Pass out with chair blocking door. Check. Check.
Good friends good food. Check. Check.
Re-enactment of Stephen King's Carrie, played by 9 yr old boy with vicious nosebleed at midnight. Check.
Depart at 5am. Check.
Introduced to Texas' finest at 87 mph. Check.

On to New Orleans....

C'mon kids, Austin is famous for flash floods and we're here just in time!

Despite the Brady Curse, I would like to thank the "god of family vacations" for guiding my keys just to the left of the open grate as they slipped from my hands while trying to unload the car.  Thank you thank you thank you.that was a small heart attack at 1 am.

We traveled down the large state of Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas, including my ass. We got burgers and soft drinks in "contraband size" cups...easily 32oz.

Today we get to visit with some great friends, provided they don't live on the other side of the flooded region. Otherwise, we're gonna need a bigger boat.

28 days later...Cue Summer Vacation

Remember that Brady Bunch episode where they all went to Hawaii and Greg wore the cursed totem and the whole trip was eerie and a bust? I would say that we are experiencing our own very special 2 hr episode in which it opens with a dead bird on the sidewalk. A little bit of "good luck suckahs" to help us out the door. The next curse to befall would be the "smashing of the driver's finger in the door,"  followed by the "lost files" that allowed us to perform a 2 hr "trial run round trip." Then in an effort to up the "anty" we did not depart until 8:30 for what promised to be a 6.5 hr drive. Silly Rabbit, that's not including the seizure inducing lightening storm and car wash simulating rainfall. Rolling into the glitzy motel at 5:30am, we told the kids that we were gonna sleep for 4 hrs and hopefully they would still be in the room when we woke up. Now, as you sit at the desk cranking out something asked for today but wanted yesterday, I am reminded that we have to check out by noon at which time we will hopefully meet a dear friend for lunch before taking on the 8 hr drive to Austin. Who's idea was this?!? Whosever it was is gonna need a stiff drink come Florida. In fact, she may just blackout for that portion of the trip.

Shananananana Sha na na na na!